#47: Tom Selleck / Jack Elliot
Card: 1992 Upper Deck
Mustache Type: The Magnum
Fact: After being traded from the New York Yankees to the Nagoya Chunichi Dragons, Jack Elliot could just not adust to the Japanese culture and style of baseball. Mired in his own self-loathing, he was soon suspended for alienating his teammates and committing numerous outbursts. Yet, after a heartfelt meeting with manager Uchiyama, Elliot swallowed his pride and apologized to his teammates. The Dragons – driven by sportsmanship, determination and Elliot’s contagious, unbridled enthusiasm – defied the odds and won the Central League Pennant. With his success and new outlook on life, Elliot secured an unspecified coaching position with the Detroit Tigers – a position he presumably still holds today.
Mustaches & Baseball
#46: George Bell
Card: 1988 Topps
Mustache Type: Heavy Pencil
Fact: In 1987, Bell won the AL MVP with 47 home runs, 134 RBI and a .308 average, narrowly defeating Alan Trammell. On opening day the following season, he smashed three home runs, yet only finished the 1988 season with a meager 24 dingers. Soon after being traded from the Cubs to the White Sox in exchange for Sammy Sosa, Bell retired in 1993. Today, he is an avid golfer with a 2-handicap.
#45: Brian Harper
Card: 90s era Upper Deck
Mustache Type: Full Major
Fact: A career .295 hitter, Harper was notoriously difficult to strike out. During the 1990 and 1992 seasons with the Twins, he led the AL in at-bats per strikeout – with 17.7 AB and 22.8 AB per strikeout, respectively. And in 1991, Harper placed second on the team with a .311 average (behind only Kirby Puckett) for the World Series champions.
#44: Tim Raines
Card: 1984 Fleer
Mustache Type: Extended Pencil
Fact: Nicknamed “The Rock” based on his solid physique, Raines amassed 808 stolen bases in his 23-year career – the fourth-highest total in MLB history. He was the last player to wear a helmet without at least one ear flap (a rule instituted in 1983) and may be the last player to slide headfirst into second with a bag of cocaine in his hip pocket.
#43: Barry Jones
Cards: 1988 and 1987 Topps
Mustache Type: Dirty Painter’s Brush (with Fu Manchu potential)
Fact: Drafted in 1984 by the Pittsburgh Pirates, Jones made his big league debut on July 18, 1986. During his tenure with the team, Jones wore number 50. Yet, on his 1988 Topps card, he’s mysteriously wearing number 69. And on his 1987 Topps card, he’s either trying to score an unassisted triple play or about to complete the daily crossword.
Jones played for five teams, retiring in 1994 with a 33 – 33 record and a respectable 3.66 ERA.
#42: Scott May
Card: 1989 Donruss
Mustache Type: The Bandit
Fact: Out of all the great mustache aficionados, Scott May unarguably had the most forgettable major league career in history. Selected in the 6th Round of the 1983 Draft, May made his debut in September 1988 with the Texas Rangers, pitching in just three games. His next appearances came in 1991, as a member of the Chicago Cubs, when he pitched in just two games. In total, May compiled a record of 0-0, with a 10.61 ERA.
#41: Will Clark
Card: 1989 Cap’n Crunch Topps
Mustache Type: Very Heavy Pencil with hint of Fu Manchu
Fact: Nicknamed “Will the Thrill,” Will Clark posted a career .303 batting average and earned six All-Star selections. Despite an accomplished career, The Thrill only received 4.4% of votes for the Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility, falling short of the required 5% to remain on future ballots. Although he’ll never be a Hall of Famer, he’ll always be rumored to be a descendant of the other William Clark of the Lewis and Clark Expedition.
#40: Mike Hart
Card: 1988 Topps
Mustache Type: Major (w/ hint of horseshoe)
Fact: Hart was drafted in 1979 by the Seattle Mariners, but didn’t get his big league shot until 1984 with the Minnesota Twins. He later resurfaced for 34 games with the Baltimore Orioles in 1987. In all, he batted a meager .162 in 105 career at-bats. Hart currently works as a middle school gym teacher in Wisconsin.
#39: Dick Drago
Card: 1978 Topps
Mustache Type: Chevron with hint of handlebar
Fact: During his 13-year career, Drago compiled 108 wins –– 62 of them as complete games. He finished fifth in Cy Young voting in 1971, going 17-11 with a 2.98 ERA for the Royals. In 1976, Drago surrendered Hank Aaron’s 755th career home run –– then and now a major-league record.
#38: Larry McWilliams
Card: 1983 Fleer
Mustache Type: The Prospector
Fact: Born in Wichita, Kansas, Williams was the 6th overall pick in the 1974 amateur draft. In his rookie season of 1978, Williams was the winning pitcher when the Atlanta Braves ended Pete Rose’s 44-game hitting streak. Williams’ line that day: 5.0 IP, 4 H, 4 R, 3 BB, 2 SO. He retired in 1990 with a career 3.99 ERA.
Movember Special
#37: John Kruk
Card: 2006 Fleer Greats of the Game
Mustache Type: Pyramid with goatee
Fact: In 1993, Kruk batted .316 for perhaps the greatest team of the ‘90s. He was the leader of “Macho Row,” which included teammates Darren Daulton, Lenny Dykstra and Mitch Williams among others. That year, Kruk finished 16th in MVP voting. However, in 1994, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and underwent surgery to remove one testicle. But as a true member of the Fightin’ Phils, Kruk kicked cancer’s ass and now works as an Emmy-nominated analyst for Baseball Tonight.
#36: Chuck Jackson
Card: 1988 Topps
Mustache Type: Heavy Pencil
Fact: Jackson made his Major League debut in 1987 with the Houston Astros, playing two seasons with the club. After the 1988 season, however, Jackson went on a Major League hiatus and wasn’t seen in a professional uniform until the strike-shortened 1994 season with the Texas Rangers. In his extremely short and forgettable career, Jackson compiled a .218 average, with 2 home runs and 4 intentional walks.
#35: Steve Lake
Card: 1991 Studio
Mustache Type: Heavy Chevron (almost a Walrus)
Fact: Although a career backup catcher, Lake started Game 7 of the 1987 World Series for the St. Louis Cardinals. In the game, he went 1-3 with an RBI single, threw Kirby Puckett out at third while trying to advance on a wild pitch, and tagged out Gary Gaetti on a violent home plate collision. The Cardinals lost the game, however, and thus the series, to the Minnesota Twins.
#34: Alvaro Espinoza
Card: 1987 Topps
Mustache Type: Reverse Hitler
Fact: During a four-year tenure with the Yankees, Espinoza was among public address announcer Bob Sheppard’s favorite names to announce. And while playing for the Twins, Espinoza joined a small handful of players to hit a fair ball that became stuck in a stadium obstruction –– the extra hit that boosted his lifetime average to .254.
